Ok first of all I have a strong stomach when it comes to gruesome movies and I will admit, even I had to stop this movie and take a break to not vomit. It wasn’t a lot of blood and guts that made it so disgusting; it was more the fact that I’ve worked in the medical field and the medical accuracy of the PROBABILITY of this being able to be something real… was just on the other side of the line that made it slightly too much. I honestly did fine until the surgery scene, which although brief shows just enough.
I started watching this movie knowing it was going to be bad. Uber-creepy psycho doctor guy? Check. Two American moron girls? Check. Random asian guy? Check. Here we go!
So we start out with creepy guy in a car looking at a picture of 3 Rottweiler’s that have been fused together. He proceeds to pull a gun out of his car when a trucker goes to take a shit in the woods off the side of the road that he’s parked on, and shoots him with a tranquilizer dart. Next scene… we meet Jenny and Lindsay, two American girls on a European travel trip currently in Germany trying to get directions to a party so they can get some ass from a waiter they had met earlier. (They have no idea just how much ass they’re about to get…) Of course they get a flat tire in the middle of no-where, in a rainstorm, and end up traipsing about through the woods yelling at each other about how lost they are. But don’t worry they find a house and are saved! Or not…
We officially now are introduced to the doctor… Heiter. I’m sorry but I don’t care how cold and wet I am, if that’s the face that came to the door I’d fucking high-tail it back the other way.
Obviously, when you’re in Germany and two dripping wet American girls who need help come to the door, your first reaction is … time for roofies! One girl drinks hers down like a good moron, the second spills hers and is rewarded with a shot in the neck. They wake up and… are strapped down to beds in Dr. Heiter’s basement watching him kill the trucker he had kidnapped earlier. He is quickly replaced by an angry asian who doesn’t speak German or English. (Hoorah for subtitles!) Then… he reveals his evil plan, complete with kindergarten-style drawings on a projector screen. Now that we’re completely terrified and grossed out, Lindsay decides FUCK THIS and makes for her escape while Jenny cries for her mommy. I will admit I haven’t really seen that in a “horror” movie, hearing her say that she wants her mom made it just that much more real feeling simply because it’s not really done. Unfortunately, Lindsay’s escape only pisses off the doctor and he decides that she will be part B… the middle piece. (At this point I probably would have just tried to find a way to kill myself. )
So now that he’s got his 3 humans all ready to go… its surgery time! Some teeth yanking (which I don’t like anyways since I’ve had so much dental work done in my past and I know how painful it can be… *shudders*),knee cutting, face slicing and ass carving… we’re left with a boy-pile neatly covered in a green sheet. But by now, its one of those car-accident-like situations… you really want to look away but you just have to know what happens next.
Now, all bandaged together, complete with skin grafts stapled to our girls faces, we officially have… a human centipede. The doctor cannot be more thrilled with himself and takes pictures of the creation, showing them their new body in a mirror while they all cry (the doctor cries with joy.. everyone else not so much…) He even attempts to train his new “pet” to fetch. The Asian is his lead, because he’s so strong, then poor Lindsay is stuck in the middle, and Jenny is the end. Now all we get to hear is muffled sobbing from the girls and angry cursing from the asian.
And then it happens… while outside in his white lab coat and creepy dark glasses wielding a riding crop Dr Heiter witnesses his centipede in action… the asian has to take a shit. He yells at Lindsay to swallow (not like she has much choice) and for the asian to “Feed her. FEED HER!”
Eventually the doctor realizes his end (our dear Jenny) is dying. She’s kind of a purple/yellow color and has yellow puss oozing out of the incisions on her face. So now he’s gotta find a new end piece. Damn, being a psychotic doctor takes work! But lucky the police show up and… one ends up drugged. They have to leave to obtain a search warrant, which gives our centipede time to get off the exam table (how?) and hide in a hallway only to attack the doctor with a scalpel when he comes to find them to get things prepared.
We get to see them crawling up a spiral staircase all the while dripping massive amounts of blood as their faces and asses are pulled tight while they struggle to get away. The doctor eventually starts crawling after them, making a pit-stop to lick blood off of the stairs. (Ew and creepy.) They make it to the bedroom Lindsay was in earlier but oh, he had the broken window fixed and now they’re fucked. The asian guy goes on for a minute about how he’s not a dog, and why does the doctor think he’s god blah blah blah then finally with a chunk of glass gouges his own neck open and dies. The police come back, and the doctor goes to hide by his indoor pool.
Office one finds him (the one that was drugged earlier) and stumbling around gets shot and falls into the pool dead. Officer two is looking around the house, comes to the room where centipede is and his face is priceless. It was one of those, “Wait.. wha… fuckin seriously… WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?” moments. The girls think they’re saved and then we hear the gunshot so Officer two takes off to find his partner. He gets shot as well, but is able to get in a beautiful headshot to the doctor, leaving his brains splattered against the wall behind him. Officer two falls into the pool and dies as well.
Back to Jenny and Lindsay… Jenny is just not looking good. More muffled sobbing, some awkward hand holding and finally she dies. Now we’re left with Lindsay… stuck in the middle, surgically attached to two pale dead bodies. As the camera pans away and Lindsay is heard uncontrollably sobbing in the background, the credits roll and the movie is over.
Overall… not very scary in the horror-movie way, but more extremely unsettling in the just plain wrong kind of way. And just incase you need more, here’s a link to THE MUSICAL. (Six, the creator of this movie had nothing to do with it, it just seems Emerson college has bored talent.)
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